tossing and turning

I am feeling restless.

I feel like I’m lying there in bed and the temperature is wrong and my mind is racing but all my body can do is turn over, cover my eyes and try to make things darker. Somehow it crept up on me but not even two months in one spot and already I feel the need to run. And running on a treadmill just isn’t cutting it.

I feel the need to be somewhere else. A thought which makes me sad, anxious and excited all at once and not at all. It has nothing to do with New York and nothing to do with where I want to go. It’s just an intense desire to be somewhere else, anywhere else. Like if I don’t climb a mountain right now I’m going to stand in the middle of the street and scream at the top of my lungs. Like if I don’t stand at the edge of the ocean I’m going to just lie here and do nothing because nothing else matters.

I’ve never felt such an intense restlessness. I feel like if I keep rolling over I’m going to fall off the bed but I just don’t care because then I’ll at least be somewhere else.

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One thought on “tossing and turning

  1. Hey there just stumbled on your amazing blog! Your posts are so fascinating and you write so honestly I just love it!

    When I read this post it made me stop and think. I think because I’ve had moments like this where I feel pumped so full of adrenalin I feel I have to let it out or go do something crazy, anywhere but here. There’s an insatiable hunger to fill my brain sometimes but it’s double edged in also leaving me inspired/deflated if that makes sense! I worry about it sometimes, sorry didn’t mean to be so personal but your post stood out so much to me.

    The only way I’ve been able to feel somewhat in control without feeling the need to scream has been to ease my mind and breathing through practicing mindfulness. I actually think I have some mild anxiety of some sort as it just builds up until I do something about it. Any way sorry for this long post but I hope you keep up this super cool blog and sorry to dig up this old post! Keep rocking this writing thing you do!

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