who were you?

whether to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a teenager can make.

I have a thing for 80’s movies but I haven’t seen the movie Heathers yet. Instead I watched the off-Broadway musical. It had some brilliant one-liners and appears to be quite a clever black comedy. Not sure what the movie will be like though. Watching it made me think about high school. The person that I was back then. Most days I feel like I haven’t changed at all. Not smart enough to be a geek; not outgoing, good-looking or athletic enough to be popular; not crazy enough to be a stoner, suicidal. Are there any other cliches?

One thing that has no changed is my anxiety when it comes to tests, because I really don’t test well. I spend the whole year doing all the exercises, kicking butt at assignments, but when it comes to the test it’s like my brain recognises there is something else at stake and just blanks out, voice gets a little high pitched and stomach feels like it’s in knots. It’s kind of irrational, but today I still get that same anxiety. Give me a problem on any other day and even if I don’t know the answer I’m completely confident in my ability to figure out how to solve it. Put me in a test situation and my brain needs to think twice in order to do the most basic of calculations. So here’s another reason for me not to leave a job once I’ve found it, and that is to avoid the technical or coding interviews which are so common in my line of work.

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